Twist and Shout

Twist and Shout
Life is never straight (Joey Kulkin photo)

Friday, June 1, 2012

Trenton, My Trenton: Booze. Blood. Beatles. Burg. And how a 1-legged Lord sold Jesus Christ.



THE BURG, TRENTON -- They got their drunk on. Lord have mercy, they got their drunk on. Before 4 o'clock. Many of them before 3. Hell, some were pissed by High Noon. Cops and EMS guys rolled into the Burg several times over the course of 45 minutes today. They rolled down South Clinton between Hamilton and Bayard, and then one street over on Clark, next to that Manex tower; Manex of the "Hollywood East" thing that never quite hitched its wagon to the whole "Hollywood" star. Poor Manex. Poor Burg. Poor Trenton. Poor drunks today.

Meanwhile, between running from Clark to South Clinton to Clark and back I chitchatted with a nice one-legged fella in a wheelchair who sells Jesus Christ in a frame and other religious things: rosary beads and Mary the Virgin stuffs and so on. His name is Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday. Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday is a cool dude. He's from a town in Northern England (if he said the name of the town I don't remember), and he lost his leg to diabetes. I told him that my favorite rock 'n' rollers -- Oasis -- are from Manchester, England. Told him that Oasis's biggest influence was The Beatles. Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday and I talked a bit about The Beatles, and I asked him what the world might be like if John Lennon were alive still. Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday shook his head and said it's a shame what happened. He said he knew John Lennon through "a friend of a friend", and whether that's true or not, who knows. But who cares. I know Snoop Doggy Dogg, went to school with him for 3 years in junior high. Saw him naked every day for 2 years. So I tend to believe Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday of Manchester, England, when he says he knew John Lennon. I asked him which title has more rank, Sir or Lord. He said "Sir" is the lowest rung of honor. Lord is next. He got the title because his father was a Lord as was his father's father and father's father's father. There are a few more titles after Lord, but I was paying attention to the cops and EMS crew attending to one of the drunks about 50 paces away when he explained so I can't remember, but I did catch Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday when he said that consort is the highest title a British man gets affixed to his name. A consort is the queen's husband. Something like that, anyway. This is America. We broke away from that kind of regal hierarchy.

Anyway, Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday said that he sees these drunkards every single day when he's selling Jesus Christ. A few of them came up to him one day asking for money. He told them to piss (the expletive) off. They haven't bothered him since that day. I think it was at the fourth scene today, on South Clinton in front of Guaterico Restaurant, when an EMS guy looked at the passed-out drunk, then at me, smiled and said in that all-knowing tone "This is our day, bud." And this is our Burg 2012. Poor Burg.

UPDATE: A British friend set me straight on regal hierarchy: Lord is a political appointment. Then it goes Duke, Marquess, Earl, Viscount, Baron. As far as the queen's honors it goes KBE (Sir, Knight of British Empire), CBE (Commander of the British Empire), OBE (Officer of the British Empire) and MBE (Member of the British Empire). Thanks, Nicholas Murray, one of the world's great soccer enthusiasts.

Here are pics (click to enlarge) and videos of Drunk Friday in the Burg:


The day started softly, calmly, and with a nice picture


Continued with this nice moment near downtown Trenton


But by 3 the drunken madness had taken effect


Scene 1. The guy on the perch looks like he's hurt. (he is)


Lord Ellis Greenwood Holiday and his framed Jesuses


Scene 2. Two cops are approaching from the right


Guy tells cop he only has Clamato. Cop wants to see contents of bag.


And what does that cop find in the bag?


A half-drunk 40. Wasted 40.


Meanwhile, this dude is beyond gone.


He looked dead at one point.


But he was alive and headed to St. Francis


Scene 2. Clark. That blood is from the face of the guy in the red shirt

Manex, My Manex

He started getting woozy. Said a drunk punched him in the face


Scene 3. Bayard. Pissed.

He did keep asking one of the EMS guys about a pen

Free ride to St. Francis.


Scene 4. Remember the guy in the mirror on Clark? Passed out on South Clinton

Although he came to a bit after being put on the gurney


Scene 5. South Clinton. Fresh 40 and a Guaterico taco. Paradise.

He was in Scene 1 pic, too. Now on South Clinton. Sloshed.

Delicious tacos from Guaterico. You work up an appetite photographing drunks.