Twist and Shout

Twist and Shout
Life is never straight (Joey Kulkin photo)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Vignettes from Vermont: I Just Ate Brad Pitt

You'd be an idiot to buy the book HERE

BENNINGTON -- Dear Angelina Jolie,

It is with great hesitation that I write to inform you that I just ate your husband, again, or at least something with your husband's name on it. So I stretched the boundaries of imagination and pretended that I ate your husband. Because who doesn't want to eat Brad Pitt?

The thing is, Angelina, well, the thing is your husband tastes good, so wonderful and alive with flavor. He melts on my tongue and slides down my throat like few things ever have. Sweet, rich, robust and chunky. Like Brad Pitt. The joy that washes over me when I sink my teeth into him and devour his chocolate yummy is beyond extreme, heavenly almost. 

So yeah, I love eating the love of your life.

And the thing is, Angelina, the thing is that I fear I'll eat Brad again and again because he's beyond scrumdiddlyumptious if you know what I mean.

This all being said, Angelina, you're invited to come share Brad Pitt when I eat him again.

Art Gallery Dude

P.S. Please keep reading, Angelina.

So then, bubba, here we go ...

Joey Kulkin published his second book the other day, and "Chalk It Up 2!" will be every bit as craptacular as "Chalk It Up!" what with sales in the double-figures. Here are preview pages from the new book. They're important to show here because no one will buy the book ...

Of Synecdoche and Hotties and Charlie Kaufman HERE

Benningtonians and Shaftburians

Here is the quick interview Art Gallery Dude conducted with Kulkin on Friday:

AGD: Four months later you've returned with volume 2 of Chalk It Up! How does it stack up?

JK: It sucks.

AGD: Why did you go through the process of publishing it then?

JK: I'm an idiot.

AGD: Indeed.

To help Kulkin wipe the taste of failure from his tongue, AGD gave him chocolate and coffee, but not any ordinary chocolate and coffee. The chocolate comes from Brad Pitt, if you will, and the coffee comes from way-up-there Washington State. Winthrop ...

The fair-trade brew from Backcountry Coffee Roasters is called Cowboy Mud Blend ...

... and it is a "deep, dark, rugged French roast" made from sweaty beans with, according to the package, "enough kick to spur you along."

Cowboy Mud Blend is very good and the kick really does course through your veins. And for those reasons it joins the pantheon of AGD's favorite brews.

Here is Backcountry's mission statement ...

Go to Backcountry's website HERE

... and here are some delicious photos from Backcountry's Facebook page that show parts of the company's personality and the land it calls home ...

Winthrop, Washington. Nature's candy.

Backdropped by the North Cascades, "Winthrop" and its surroundings were Indian land for 9,000 years before white man come and do his thing. The natives lived on the banks of the Methow, Twisp and Chewuch rivers "digging camas root, picking berries, fishing and hunting. Then came the Ivy League snobs.

Indeed, white trappers crashed the party in the late 1800s, fellas by the name of James Ramsey and Ben Perrygin and Guy Waring. The gold rush brought in a ton more. Waring, who went to Harvard, is considered the founding father but Winthrop is named after Theodore Winthrop, a Yalie on the move and famed author of the day.

Winthrop -- most of it anyway -- burned to the ground in '93. Waring's Duck Brand Saloon, considered best in class by church publications of the day, survived the town fire and flourished. For the last 43 years it has served as Winthrop's Town Hall.

Owen Wister, who was Waring's roomie at Harvard, landed in Winthrop and wrote the first American western novel called "The Virginian", and another bit of history occurred on December 30, 1968, when Winthrop recorded a temperature of minus-48 -- the coldest day ever in Washington State.

The 2010 Census put Winthrop's population at 394 -- 384.15 white. You drive into Winthrop on Route 20 and upon arrival you portal right back to the 1870s ...

3 Finger Jack's Saloon (Wiki Commons)

... what with the the false fronts and corrugated roofs of Main Street businesses ...

Photo courtesy of John Evans

... and the creeky wooden boardwalks ...

Winthrop is not unlike retro-modern Dodge City in that regard.


You might be wondering about the whole eating of your husband.

There is a place in downtown Bennington called Crazy Russian Girls Bakery, and the owner is a mother of five by the name of Natasha Littrell. Russian. AGD wrote about her HERE.

This is one of the desserts Nastasha makes ...

... "Better Than Brad Pitt" is a chocolate brownie-cookie filled with chocolate and chocolate chips galore. It will cure all that ails you, doubly so when you wash each bite down with a cup of Cowboy Mud. That's what Joey Kulkin did this morning to feel better after he looked at the metrics for "Chalk It Up 2!" and saw that no one had bought his crappy book.

But, Angelina, if you need to wash down Brad with something else, maybe even better, the word on the street is banana milkshake.

Sincerely, again,
Art Gallery Dude, manager
Fiddlehead at Four Corners art gallery
338 Main Street, Bennington, Vermont
Take a Google virtual tour HERE