Twist and Shout

Twist and Shout
Life is never straight (Joey Kulkin photo)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Naked Ambition


BENNINGTON -- Living for the moment has never been a problem for me. I love life. I love to participate in life. If there is bizarro to be explored I'll do it. Shit, I dressed as a woman one night while rushing Sigma Deus, a fraternity at my high school; yeah, high school frats ... it was L.A. in the '80s. My mom did the makeup that night and one of the sorority chicks -- there were just as many she-clubs -- commented on how great the foundation and blush and eyeshadow and eyeliner and lipstick looked on me. Years later I posed nude for an MFA III class at the University of Iowa because it paid 8 bucks an hour and hey, no one ever questioned my naked ambition. The mother of my 3 goddaughters was one of the 30 students who drew me in 3 or 4 classes, 4 hours a pop, weird fucking positions galore, and there's probably a whole story about that, bubs. But I digress. 20 years later I haven't seen how Nina depicted my pecker on butcher paper. About 2 years after Iowa paid me to get naked I donned women's garb, again, no I'm not gay (but experimented once or twice in junior high because like I said, that's what we did in the '80s), to enter a Halloween contest at a Bennington watering hole. A newspaper colleague dressed as a cop because she had a closet full of great costumes, and I went as a low-brow hooker. The whoriest hooker in all of hookerville, and I looked fucking rad (just look at the photo above). We won that night and split 200 bucks. And, I macked on the dance floor with a drunk chick who couldn't keep her hands off my tits. That was a wonderful, funderful night.

So yeah, I embrace the spirit of the moment.

Most times ...

... because today I had to say no to the gallery owner when he asked, again, if I would model for the upcoming Wine and Canvas class that starts July 8 on the mezzanine. He has secured 5 models but needs one more. We've known each other 30 years and he knows I can be bent into doing things that I've said I wouldn't do, and he has continued an onslaught of pretty-pleases with 50-dollar cherries on top.

But I can't prostitute myself this time. Won't prostitute myself this time.

Well, unless I can be a hooker and rub up against a drunk chick for 2 hours.