Twist and Shout

Twist and Shout
Life is never straight (Joey Kulkin photo)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Vignettes from Vermont: Brad Pitt Is Hawt!

BENNINGTON -- Art Gallery Dude walked into America's only Graffiti Vault to check out the latest in Chalk It Up! and stumbled upon four new sentiments.

Nothing about Obama -- Vermont carried Barack past Mitt 67-31, and Bennington County carried the president 63-35 -- but these 3 things were chalked on one wall ...

LOVE IS THE ANSWER! in green block letters ...

... Love shmlove. What is love, anyway?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON in yellow ball-tip serif ...

... getting fired in Trenton, thought Art Gallery Dude, happened for a reason. Getting fired was necessary, he thought, because life was slipping away. Newspapering, he thought, was eating his guts bit by bit.

The final sentiment, in blue chalk and encased in a heart read (I had to take a close-up) ...

JUST because
IT'S Different
DOESN'T mean it's

Which means she's in love with someone her parents would never approve of. She needed to scream at the top of her lungs and did so on the chalkboard inside the Graffiti Vault.

Then I turned around and saw another new line, written in pink ...


William Bradley, did you sneak into the Graffiti Vault and love yourself on the wall?

Art Gallery Dude thought how cool it would be if Brad Pitt shot his next Chanel No. 5 commercial in the Graffiti Vault. But instead poeticizing in that bedroom voice, ooh-la-la, Brad can chalk his words of lust and suave on the walls. What woman wouldn't get all hot and bothered looking at Brad Pitt's fingers covered in pink chalk dust?

Think about it, Bradley Williams.

So ...

... a Serbian dude who looks like Hank Azaria (if you squint just right) walked into the gallery 15 minutes ago and tried to get Art Gallery Dude to buy an ad in a glossy tourist magazine based in the Adirondacks of New York State, because the mag is expanding into Vermont and yadda yadda.

Nice little publication, Art Gallery Dude thought while fingering through the pages.

Being a former newspaper dude, AGD asked Hankislov Azaria if he would think about writing a feature story about the old marble bank building turned art gallery. Not that a no answer would impact AGD's decision to buy an ad or anything ...

... No, it's just that the old marble bank building turned art gallery is the best building in Bennington -- and now features America's only Graffiti Vault.

Hankislov said he would consider the idea. Then he and AGD talked about Vlade Divac.

The salesman left but returned minutes later with a brunette cutie ...

... one thing leads to another, and Marija is in the vault smiling like a little girl again.

(By the way, she's Serbian, too, and with a wicked Bronx accent.)

Marija saw the Brad Pitt line and chuckled.

And just because it's Brad Pitt Day ...